Footnotes
Introduction to Creative Writing: Fiction
This week, try to write a confrontation story. As always, the story is due three days before the next class, so that your classmate can comment on them. Don’t comment using the documents’ Comments function, but use the footnotes section instead, so that they can be seen directly on the document. The stories are assigned randomly, so leave feedback on a story that you receive. Enjoy writing!
The Onigiri Problem
Erina Shimizu
“Can I have a word with you?”¹
He looks up with alarm, and I can see the fear in his eyes. Which, I’m disappointed to realize, is caused by me. “Yes?” he stands up, and knocks piles of paper off his desk. He bends down and starts picking up the papers at hyper speed, getting in the way of some passersby, whose annoyed glances I wish never to be a recipient of. I wait for a few people to pass, before I help pick up a few stranded papers. After I hand him the documents, I gesture for him to follow me to an open meeting room. I can already tell this is going to be a disaster.
I open the doors, and hold the door for him as he walks inside with an apologetic posture. He looks extremely scared, with his fingers jittering, as I motion him to take a seat. It takes several attempts for him to pull his chair. I’ve already settled by the time he finally adjusts himself and meets my eyes, which is strange considering I stepped into the room after he did.
Watching him for a while, I consider how I should start this. His nervous energy is absolutely contagious and it’s not helping my nerves. “Okay, before I say anything, just know that this is hard for me too, okay?” The moment I start to say this, I realize I’ve made a mistake.
“Am I getting fired?” He blurts out. And immediately shuts his mouth, as if even he wasn’t aware of the words that came rushing out.
I shake my head. “No, nobody’s getting fired.”
I sigh. This is already a disaster. I don’t know why I got appointed to this job of “having a chat” with him. It is true that I’m his boss, so technically he is my responsibility, but couldn’t HR deal with this? I tried asking them, but then they seemed so busy with the New Recruits that I felt like I couldn’t bother them with something I was supposed to be able to deal with.
He looks relieved and blows out a breath, but immediately retracts the action when he sees my expression. I must be frowning.
I avert my eyes and focus on a spot on the wall on our left, so that I can think without having to look at him. He’s looking smaller and smaller by the minute, I swear² I can’t think without feeling sorry for him.
I wonder if that’s the problem. He just looks so harmless and so pure-hearted, which to be fair, is kind of true. He is harmless. But his actions are not. And what do I tell someone who doesn’t mean to cause nuisance to people but does anyway? What could I possibly say to someone who causes troubles unintentionally? Especially when they are not a bad person per se?
Another sigh escapes, and I see him shrink even farther into his seat.
I’m still trying to³ come up with the best possible way to tell him what everyone in our department wished someone else would tell him one day, when I start to realize that there is no best way in this. I just have to tell him, and believe that I’m doing this only so his future can benefit from it.
Taking a deep breath, I try to start gently. “There are a few things I need to discuss with you.”
He shakily nods. I hate doing this so bad⁴.
“While your performance here has been great, more than great, even, you know, your sales are pretty high and I hear good reports about your results from many people… while that is true, there are a few other things that, you know, I think you could work on.”
The truth is, I don’t think he could work on them, but being someone’s boss means I need to believe in them more than anybody else. Including them, sometimes⁵. He looks at me expectantly, when I realize I haven’t figured out where to start.
After taking a moment to think, I try starting broadly. “For example, I think you can work on your organizational skills more, like, let’s see… your desk maybe? You know, efficient work comes from a clean desk. If you worked out an organization system to store all your paperworks, then you wouldn’t have dropped them like you did earlier⁶.”
He nods as I speak. It makes me happy that what I’m telling him is registering in his head. At least it’s not for nothing. This part though, about his desk, is for the benefit of him, but the real thing I need to tell him is that his disorganized messy working style is troubling others⁷.
“Well, there’s another aspect to your not-so-great organizational work style that I think you should know.” I see him nod, so I continue. “You have to understand that you are… disturbing others.” He looks sad, but this bit I need to tell him, since others have been reporting his behaviors to me.
“For instance… Please don’t leave unfinished food on tables that everyone uses⁸. It’s very unpleasant for those who have to clean it to use it afterwards. Or, actually, don’t even leave them on your desk… it’s not really good for the whole office’s hygiene.”
He looks down at his lap.
“I once heard that someone stepped on your day-old onigiri⁹ that slipped off your desk. It was already crunchy at that point, so I heard, and then there were the flies. We don’t want flies in this office. Let’s not leave food anywhere, okay?”
Looking at him, I’m starting to think that everything hurt him too much to the point that nothing will hurt him anymore. Might as well tell him everything he needs to be told.
“Nobody wants to step on leftover food, right? Imagine you had a roommate and they left a half eaten pizza on the carpet that you found by stepping on it first thing the next morning¹⁰. I know onigiri isn’t as bad as pizza¹¹, but the state of the situation¹² is kind of the same. You don’t want to step on other people’s food, right?”
Looking at him, I’m trying to think about how sad it is to be having to spell it out¹³ to a grown man. “I’m really sorry… I understand now, the kind of troubles my careless nature caused… I’ll be more careful from now on.”
He stands up slowly to leave the room, never looking up as he approaches the door. Briefly looking back at me to bow, he sulkily steps out of the room. The whole atmosphere around him looks so gloomy, I can almost see the darkest and heaviest rain clouds surrounding him.
While I feel sorry for having to do this to him¹⁴, I can’t entirely sympathize, for I feel deep in my heart that all is his responsibility after all¹⁵.¹⁶
—————————
1 I wonder if the story needs to start with dialogue. Not that I have issues with it or anything, but it felt a little jarring.
2 This sounds out of character. This “I” character doesn’t seem like someone who would say “I swear.”
3 While I understand this “I” character is not the confrontational type, I wonder if this “I can’t tell him” thing is getting too long, especially in a short piece like this. It’s starting to feel a little dragging.
4 Mmm, I feel like you’ve already established this, so I don’t think you need to write it out like this here.
5 Suddenly so harsh, I like it though!
6 I totally relate, papers on my desk keep sliding off that I go home to random papers on the floor.
7 Oh? I smell tea, I love it!
8 Wait,
9 I hope you’re still not mad at me for my living style back when we were freshmen dormmates. We are juniors now, and honestly it’s not something you hold a grudge for after so long, this is crazy.
10 Why didn’t you just tell me this back then? Instead of waiting for almost two years just to put it into fictional writing? What an elaborately foul way to confront someone.
11 Look, I’m sorry for leaving pizza on the carpet, okay? But you could have looked where you were putting your feet.
12 And let’s not forget the time you cleaned our whole room, even my side of the room, without my consent. You threw away my favorite slippers without a word! Being a clean-freak doesn’t give you the right to invade someone’s privacy.
13 You most definitely did not have to color coordinate my cereal boxes. Or write out an elaborate list of organizational systems for my stuff. Like, I can live without a long list of my socks.
14 Just because you developed a whole organizational system for your hair products doesn’t make you better than the rest of us.
15 You still think I’m at fault, don’t you. It didn’t occur to you, even for a bit, that you could have just said something to me when we lived together, to have an entirely peaceful departure at the end? Instead of you passive aggressively suggesting I’m a disorganized mess. I know you didn’t ask for a mess to be your freshman roommate, in fact, nobody could choose their roommates back then, but you still could have chosen a better way to deal with it.
16 Also, “Can I have a word with you?” is not how people confront each other, it’s unnatural and I don’t think it works as an opening of a story!